Time For 'Hate Crime' Charges For Pizza-Guy Attackers?

See?  They're clearly a minority group.  They look different, even!
 

Therefore, there are people who hate them because they at least look different.

In fact, they look... GAY!  Ah!  "Perceived sexual orientation"!  Haters assume that they're all gay because they look that way, so we gotta protect these vulnerable minority group members!

Clearly, pizza delivery personnel need special protection under the law, too.

How about a "hate crimes" bill amendment to include "pizza delivery personnel" as a "protected group"?

Why not?  There's clearly a "crisis" of hatred and violence directed against pizza delivery guys. Why not protect them, like we protect gays and Muslims?  Surely, if the Left refuses to take it seriously for pizza deliverers, then the Left hates pizza deliverers!

We must fight pizzadelivererophobic hatred and violence, notwithstanding sex, national origin, skin color, Islamic-or-not orientation, sexual preference, etc.!

Who cares about proving that the perps "hated" pizza deliverers?  The very fact that they targeted this vulnerable minority group is enough to throw 'em in jail for a minimum of ten years!  After all, the Hard Left assumed, without evidence, and in the face of contraindicatory evidence, that Matthew Sheppard's murderers only killed him "because he was gay".  So, if the assumption in that case was automatically that it was a "hate crime", then, well, why not also automatically assume that those who attack or kill pizza delivery people did it because they hate people who deliver pizzas?  Why not?  After all, to dismiss the equal rights and equal right to protection of pizza delivery people would be... hateful!  Right?

Pizza deliverers put their lives on the line all the time and face pizzadeliverophobic hatred and violence all the time.  So let's protect them, too!

By the way, whilst I searched for pix of pizza delivery guys, I gradually realized, from noticing the many naughty pix of pizza guys "getting lucky", that there's a lot of movies out there about pizza delivery guys getting, well, very, very "lucky"...  So, like all sexual minorities, we also gotta protect those habitual, spontaneous, casual fornicators!