Sunday, March 14, 2010

Enviro-Fascists Want To Ban Soft Toilet Paper

They want to make our lives miserable again.

They want to roll civilization back to the Dark Ages of Sore Bums.

Hands off our asses, you gosh-darned enviro-fascist weenies!

You guys can use sandpaper if you want.  But don't try to control OUR bodies.

My body.  My choice.  My right to choose!  Don't take it away!

I'll use silk.  I'll use cashmere.  I'll use whatever I want.

To hell with the treehuggers!

ht: NNW

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

O.K. I'll go there.
I use Quilted Northern.
Here's how (http://asswipe.net) kidding.
Now apparently Georgia Pacific makes it. So I go here..this link is real (http://gp.com/aboutus/sustainability/srr/)
..and lo and behold it's the s word. Here's GP's definition:
Georgia-Pacific defines sustainability as "meeting the needs of society today without jeopardizing our ability to do so in the future." Georgia Pacific has it all set up. We can wipe our ass now and then wipe our ass later. Phew! For a second there I thought I might have to subscribe to the Washington Post, my local leftist ass rag.
Besides, the roll is 1/2 inch shorter. That'll save on trees. ∞ ≠ ΓΈ ☺

Canadian Sentinel said...

A Washingtonian, eh?

Well, I myself plan to become an Ottawan when the opportunity arises... All signs indicate I belong there, though I doubt I can ever see myself being a politician.

Sounder said...

I sure the leftist enviro-fascists are themselves using the Eaton catalog, right?

Sounder said...

Or grass.

Canadian Sentinel said...

I'm pretty sure they're hypocrites. They must use the good stuff like everyone else.

What they want, or what they say they want, just to sound superior to other people, is to be forced to use the sandpapery stuff.

They don't want to have their comforts taken away, but it makes them feel better about their miserable selves to publicly claim we should all suffer "for the greater good" or "to save the world".

They don't even believe that the changes the likes of Al Gore will necessarily make life any more miserable than currently. They believe that everything will be balanced out, that the jobs lost will be replaced by mythical "green jobs" that haven't been proven to be anything more than a propaganda talking point.

Kez Creates said...

ouch! my unmentionables hurt already! it makes me shudder in pain remembering 'camp toilet paper' which was like the brown paper towel sheets to dry our hands on, only I swear it used to scratch me in places I do not want to be scratched!

And not to be rude, but you are a boy and don't always think of things like this - but girls have to wipe more than their a$$ so would you want to scratch that sandpaper over the end of ..... well, you know. OUCH!

Canadian Sentinel said...

Yep, I know what you mean. I also know that Sheryl Crow doesn't bother to wipe much at all (just one measly little ply- probably took that Seinfeld episode too seriously!). As for the Progs, well, it doesn't seem that they care much about human suffering (except if one's of a special sexual preference or someone who demands an unnecessary footbathing room at work, and in either case, Progs bend over backwards to make sure they're not even perceived to be "suffering" in any way, shape or form, and I'm sure they'd mandate exclusive provision of taxpayer-funded cashmere buttwipes for such special folks). They seem to care more about the earth and their smugness about being so superior due to caring so much about a big ball of rocks and water. Human beings? We're just evil, selfish, contemptible occupiers and destroyers, so to hell with us...

Them Progs are a bunch of rock-huggers... It's their "religion". It's a cult, really. And a weird one.

Canadian Sentinel said...

And, btw, dudes do wipe the ends of their you-knows, too... if they don't want to smell like stale whiz...

Kez Creates said...

haha I thought it was shake and go - shows how much I know ;)